I Write Oneshots Not Stories
by Gabriel's Lil Bitch
Summary: A collection of drabbles/oneshots. Rating may vary! Probably mostly AU fluff (to distract me from how HEART BREAKING Supernatural truly is) but I might have some angst too. Pairings: Destiel, Sabriel, Crobby. Themes include cupcakes, kisses, bars, drunkenness and forever.
1. The One In The Bar (Sabriel)

**Author's note: MAH FIRST SPN FIC. AU, drabble, basically just banter. It was originally meant to be a longer story (Destiel) but that kinda didn't work out... SO HAVE SOME SABRIEL BAR-BANTER INSTEAD **

**The title of the drabble collection, in case you're wondering, is based off of Panic! At The Disco's 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' because I love them and it seemed like a good title. I might even do a songfic of it... Anyways, enjoy!**

Sam slid into a stool at the bar, sighing heavily.

"I need something very alcoholic, very fast, Gabe." He demanded.

"Been kicked out again?" The barman in front of him inquired, setting a glass down before Sam.

"Yep."

"Too bad… Your brother is an asshat, kiddo. Who'd he pick up this time?" Gabriel leant forwards, eager to hear the gossip. Sam gave him a weary grin.

"Some yoga teacher he had a thing with in Cicero years ago." Sam almost laughed at the memory of Dean's face when he opened the door and saw her.

"A yoga teacher, hmmm? Well, Dean-o is in for the bendiest night of his life." A grin crossed Gabriel's features at Sam's disgusted look.

"Oh my God, Gabriel! Mental images!" He exclaimed loudly. Flailing his arms and shaking his head wildly. Gabriel started sniggering violently.

"Images of what?" A voice behind him piped up. Sam jumped slightly and turned around. Behind him stood Castiel, his head tilted slightly in confusion.

"Oh, hey Cas. Don't worry about it, you're way too innocent." Sam said with a slight grin.

"Yeah, Cas." Gabe agreed, "Sod off and let the big boys do the talking, Mister Virgin-Until-I-Was-Twenty-Seven." Gabriel laughed at his own joke, before walking off to serve another customer. Cas huffed a little at the insult, while Sam tried not to laugh at him.

"So, Sam, where is Dean?" Castiel enquired quietly, his sparkling aqua eyes full of hope. Sam regarded him with pity; Castiel wasn't exactly the best at really hiding his feelings. He had a brilliant poker face, but once you really got to know him, his every action told how he was feeling. The only people who didn't realise were Dean and Cas themselves.

"He, uh… he stayed at home." Sam decided that he wouldn't lie, just choose his truths. Cas looked slightly disappointed, but recovered speedily.

"Oh, maybe I'll go see him." Castiel looked at Sam with big eyes, as though asking for permission. Sam panicked a little.

"No!" he said, perhaps a little too sharply, "He's busy, Cas, maybe another time?" That was when Gabriel suddenly reappeared, with all the tact of a brick to the face.

"Busy!" he giggled, "Well, if that's what ya call a sexy yoga teacher, Sammybear!"

Sam turned to Castiel, apology in his eyes. Cas, for his part, simply looked a little upset, more than a little frustrated and utterly resigned to his lonely fate. He stood, rather abruptly, and nodded at Gabriel and Sam, his face now clear of any emotion.

"Look, Cas, I'm sorry, you know how he is!" Sam grabbed Castiel's arm, trying to keep him from leaving.

"No, Sam, do not worry. You know I understand." Castiel's voice was robotic, the way it always became when any feeling began to overwhelm him. "I should go now. I will see you some other time."

Sam sighed, but let him go with no more protests. Once Cas had left he turned to Gabriel, looking murderous. Gabriel took an involuntary step back at the rage in his eyes. He held his hand up in front of him as protection.

"Why the Hell did you do that?!" Sam hissed, his hands curling into fists on the table. "You know how Cas feels, Gabriel! Can't you ever lay off the poor bastard?"

Gabriel saw it would be pointless to protest innocence, so he shrugged. "If I do it enough he might toughen up or, even better, get over that asshole! Anyway, he was annoying me. You know, 'two's company, three's a crowd' etc. "

"Gabe! He's my friend and your brother! You can't just crush his feelings because you feel like it." Sam was giving Gabriel a fierce bitchface as he lectured.

"Gosh, Sam, I didn't realise you were such a friggen girl. Oh, wait, yes I did; you personally identified with _Belle _from that Disney movie." Gabriel rolled his eyes at Sam's shocked intake of breath.

"_You swore we'd never speak of that again!_" Sam hissed, only exaggerating his anger slightly.

"Oh, soothe your boobs Sammich. You'd make a good Belle. You've got the hair for it." And with a flirty wink he walked jauntily away.


	2. The One With The Kisses (Destiel)

**BEAUTIFUL DESTIEL! This is set at no particular time, I just wanted to write Canonish Destiel. Also, y'know, Angelsex jokes. ;)**

The first time Castiel kissed Dean, Dean put it down to him not understanding human practices.

Sam, Dean and Castiel had been celebrating the end of a particularly gruelling hunt with beer and bad TV, and both Sam and Dean were slightly drunk. Dean was making some stupid joke or another about how he could have _kissed_ Castiel when he had saved Sam, and suddenly Cas's lips were on his.

The first thing his brain registered was Sam's startled intake of breath. The second was that, although they were chapped, Castiels's lips were warm and soft and holy crap was Cas a good kisser! Dean kissed him back for a few long, warm moments before he pulled sharply away and glared fiercely at his angel. Sam, sensing that this was going to be an awkward conversation, slipped quietly out of the Motel room behind them.

"_Dude!_" Dean exclaimed, "What the Hell was that?"

Cas stared at him, head tilted, "I thought that that was what you wished for?"

"It was a joke! Guys don't kiss other guys." Dean yelled. Castiel looked at him pointedly. "Fine, straight guys don't kiss weird angel men in male bodies."

"I apologise, Dean." Castiel said quietly, "I didn't realise you felt so strongly about it."

"Look, it's all right. Just don't do it again, okay? I have a reputation to uphold."

Castiel agreed and they sat back down on the sofa and Dean tried to forget what had happened. Easier said than done, he realised. His lips still tingled from the kiss (though he'd deny it until his dying day. Probably longer.) and his mind kept replaying the stupid memory. It was very frustrating.

They acted as they had always done, Dean cracking jokes and making pop-culture references and Cas not understanding any of them, but there was some unidentifiable tension in the room. A huge, confusing elephant sat in the corner.

Xxx

The second time Cas kissed Dean, Dean put it down to inebriation.

To make a long story short, Cas and Dean had argued. About what, exactly, Dean couldn't remember, but the hunter and the angel had both stormed out of the Motel and had apparently both gone to bars.

Dean had staggered back at two in the morning, much to Sam's annoyance, promptly thrown up in the sink and gone to bed. Cas, however, was still missing at eleven o'clock the next morning. Dean was feeling a mixture of panic, annoyance and guilt, when there was a knock on the Motel room door. Sam opened the door warily, but smiled as his eyes fell on Cas, who looked bedraggled and sorry for himself. As he stumbled inside, Sam realised that he was still drunk.

"Dean! Get off the sofa! Pissed angel coming through!" He laughed. Dean sat up as Castiel, angel of the drunks, staggered into the room.

Cas's piercing gaze fell on Dean like an anvil. Dean stared back, unable to tear his eyes away from Castiel's. There was some emotion in them that Dean couldn't identify.

"Dean! Move!" Sam snapped, frustrated with the blatant eyefucking taking place in front of him. When Dean still didn't stand, Sam gave him the patented bitchface number 9, also known as; _If you don't move right. Fucking. Now. I will move you, or so help me god™_

"Ugh. Fine, bitch." Dean muttered as he stood, stretching his aching muscles. Cas flopped down on the sofa and promptly passed out. Dean stared down at him for a minute, before shaking his head and going into the kitchen for a glass of water.

A few seconds later, there was a tap on his shoulder and he spun around to face Cas (who was very stubbornly inside his personal space).

Castiel looked at Dean for several seconds, in which Dean kinda wanted to walk away but couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Cas's face. He was trapped in a cage of blue eyes, soft, chapped lips and wild, dark sex hair. He desperately wanted to close the gap between them and plant his lips on Castiel's, run his fingers through that hair that couldn't _possibly_ be a soft as it looked and maybe even suck a dark hickey onto the pale skin at Cas's throat.

Cas let out a small, pained noise and suddenly launched forwards trapping Dean's lips between his own. After a few unresponsive seconds, Dean seemed to relax into the kiss and when Castiel ran he tongue across Dean's lips he wasted no time in opening his mouth and allowing Cas entrance.

The kiss was hot and wet and needy. Dean wondered idly how the hell Cas had gotten so good at this, but his thought was interrupted by teeth biting at his bottom lip. Dean moaned into Castiel's mouth and decided he didn't care.

After a full three minutes, which was nowhere near long enough for Dean, Castiel pulled away.

"I am sorry, Dean. I should not have done that." Castiel looked at his feet in shame and walked away, swaying slightly.

Dean groaned, left alone in the kitchen, frustrated and half hard.

_Now what was he going to do?_

Xxx

The first time Dean kissed Castiel, it was out of love.

Dean had been left to think for an hour or so after the fiasco in the kitchen. He had come to several conclusions. Firstly, that he was definitely bisexual. Or at the very least, he was Cassexual. Secondly, that Sammy would be fine with that. And lastly, that he was very obviously and pathetically in love with a ridiculous, oblivious, adorable angel of the Lord.

His next question was what to do about it. The answer he came up with was sex. Because he was Dean Fricking Winchester, and if he couldn't kill it, he slept with it. Plain and simple.

And that was how Dean Winchester ended up having amazing, feathery sex with an angel in a shitty motel.

It was possibly the best night of his life.

**I should probably point out that Cas kissed Dean the second time because Dean looked very thoughtful, so Cas read his mind for a second and was immediately privy to mental images of Dean nibbling his collarbone. **

**Please please PLEASE REVIEW! I love you guys! 3**


	3. The One With The Cupcakes (Sabriel)

**WOO! MOAR SABRIEL! This one is set in a future where Sam and Dean have retired from hunting and have their own apartments and lives etc. Gabriel and Cas still drop by occasionally. Sam and Gabriel haven't yet figured out their undying love, so they're friends with benefits. I cut out the more explicit parts because I'm not really comfortable with posting that yet, but if you really want me to write that, review and I'll oblige. It will be really awkward though XD**

**Anyway, have some lovely, sugary SABRIEL CUPCAKE MAKING(ish)**

Sam was woken up by a clattering and crashing coming from the kitchen of his apartment. There was another loud clang and a strangely familiar voice whisper-shouted "_Shit!_" It was all very curious. Sam wondered if there was a burglar in his house. A particularly crappy burglar who dropped the things he was trying to steal. It seemed unlikely.

He clambered out of bed, stretching his muscles, and tiptoed down the hallway towards the kitchen. The strange noises continued, occasionally punctuated by muffled swearing. When Sam poked his head around the kitchen doorway he couldn't suppress a small gasp. His kitchen was utterly destroyed; flour coated every surface, there was butter smeared on the walls and eggshells littered the counters. In the middle of this carnage a short man stood, covered from head to toe in cooking materials and stirring a bowl of unidentified substance vigorously. Gabriel.

The angel hadn't visited Sam in months and he had been beginning to miss the childish exuberance that seemed to follow Gabe everywhere. Also, the sex. He had definitely missed the sex. He grinned at Gabriel's pint-sized form despite himself.

"Gabe!" He tried, and failed, to keep the happiness out of his voice. "Where have you been? You didn't visit for ages. No calls, no randomly appearing sweets, nothing! I wasn't sure whether to worry or be angry." Even as he spoke, Sam strode forwards to wrap Gabriel up in a hug.

"Missed you too, Samsquatch." Gabriel replied, craning his head to look into Sam's eyes. "Now could ya possibly let me go; my cupcake mix needs attention." Sam rolled his eyes, but released him anyway.

Gabriel returned his focus to the odd-looking mixture in his bowl and resumed stirring. Sam flopped down on the least floury of the chairs and observed the angel carefully.

"Cupcakes, huh?" He inquired. "Why the sudden urge to break into my house and bake?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I knew you'd be pissy about my absence, Moose, so I thought that if I made something sweet you'd be less mad at me. Which I can now see is a pointless gesture; you could never really be mad at _me._"

"Have you ever actually baked before?"

"What is this, Q&A hour?" Gabriel asked defensively. Sam gave him a 'just answer the fucking question' bitchface. "_Fine._ No, I haven't baked before and I'd really quite like it if you'd quit sitting there and judging me."

Sam stood and loped over to have a look at Gabe's attempt at cake mixture. He wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Let me guess, you just shoved all the ingredients in together and started mixing."

"Who died and made you Mary Berry?" Gabriel snapped.

"I used to bake with Jess. I still make cupcakes sometimes; they're ridiculously easy." Sam explained, giving Gabriel a bitchface. "But if you ever tell that to Dean I will be forced to holy-fry you."

"Well, looky here! Samantha, you're a proper domestic goddess." He exclaimed, nudging Sam's side with a sharp elbow. Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel's immaturity.

"Could you disappear all of the crap that's covering my kitchen? We can make cupcakes together." Sam gestured at the carnage surrounding them.

Gabriel looked around with wide eyes, seeming to only just realise what a mess it was. His thinking face appeared and a second later they were stood in a clean kitchen with a tray of perfectly baked cupcakes beside them. Sam looked at him in confusion.

"Why did you make those?" He asked, puzzled.

"I figured that the quicker I get you the cupcakes, the sooner you'll get into bed with me." Gabriel replied with a roguish wink, before launching himself at Sam and kissing him full on the mouth.

Sam couldn't argue with that.


	4. The One That's A Songfic (Destiel)

**I cried as I wrote this. In my head, this happens when Dean is about forty-five. He is no longer the fit young hunter he once was. He and Cas are an item, and have been for several years. Sorry if he's a bit OOC, I got carried away.**

Dean was going to die. He knew that. And he'd probably die soon. His job was, after all, not without its hazards. Hazards that he was utterly sick of. He wanted it over.

Dean jumped when he felt Cas' arms sliding around him.

"What's wrong?" His angel whispered into the darkness of their room. Dean looked at his beautiful, worried eyes and knew that this was a conversation that they needed to have, sooner rather than later.

"Cas… I'm going to die soon. I know it. And, to be absolutely honest, I'd rather it happened sooner than later. Sam's gone. Heaven don't need me anymore. I'm done." As he said it, Dean realised why he'd been putting this off. He wanted to die, sure, but…

"Cas?" he said after a minute of silence.

"Yes, Dean?"

"If I die… Will I ever see you again?" He felt Cas sigh behind him and realised that this probably wouldn't be a positive answer. Cas' next words didn't surprise him.

"I don't know."

_Love of mine_

_Someday you will die_

_But I'll be close behind._

_I'll follow you into the dark._

_No blinding light_

_Or tunnels to gates of white,_

_Just our hands clasped so tight_

_Waiting for the hint of the spark._

"But let me promise you that, if there is any way at all, I _will_ follow you. Wherever you may go, into the light or the dark. I will be with you."

"What's it like?"

"To die? I don't know. There's no bright light, or gates to Heaven that I know of."

"Would you hold me?"

"Always."

_If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

"What if Heaven doesn't want me? I've been an evil son of a bitch in my time."

"But you have the purest soul of anyone I know. I will not allow you to go to Hell."

"Where else is there?"

"I don't know, but I will follow you into the unknown."

_In catholic school,_

_As vicious as Roman rule_

_I got my knuckles bruised_

_By a lady in black_

_And I held my tongue_

_As she told me "Son_

_Fear is the heart of love"_

_So I never went back_

"Cas… I'm scared."

"I know. But you're okay. I'm here, I'll always be here. Fear is the heart of love, after all."

"Thank you, Mr Poetry."

_You and me_

_Have seen everything to see_

_From Bangkok to Calgary_

_And the soles of your shoes_

_Are all worn down._

_The time for sleep is now_

_But it's nothing to cry about_

_'cause we'll hold each other soon_

_In the blackest of rooms_

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"I'm ready to die, if you'll do that for me."

"Shhh, Dean, don't cry. Every traveller's journey ends. There's nothing to cry about, we'll hold each other soon."

"I wonder what my heaven will be like if I get in."

"Somewhere with plenty of alcoholic beverages I expect."

"And you. It wouldn't be Heaven without my angel."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Cas."

_If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_And I'll follow you into the dark._

Cas placed his fingers on Dean's forehead. The effect was almost instantaneous, Dean breathed out in a huge sigh and his heart fluttered to a halt. Castiel leant over him and kissed his lips quickly.

Lying down with his hands clasped around Dean's Cas closed his eyes and cast out his grace. Time to follow that beautiful soul into the dark.


End file.
